The Attic Breakdown

Sour Slurpee Rags

Water > milk, the only three periods of time, a composer faceoff, and smooth knee pits. Gratuitous boobs, nude chain-smoking, and also Heather's unresponsive solar plexus.

Bear Spoons

Tuscan grope timers, stick horses, and gnarly birthing baths. Airport amputations, playground parakeets, and also low-voltage chakra vibrators.

Rapey Dragonflies

Sciency websites, hypertensive crystal experiences, clearing the 8th hole, and the 5 religions. No but yes, vomit on your sweater, uh-huh, and also a tempur-pedic phone bed.

Right as Rain

Ghost poops, golf game, shark slides, and Christian camp swimwear. Retired hot girls, methylated b’s, absorbent crackers, and also, new age goggles. 

A Roofie Julip

Full-grown clowns, Horror (Whorer) Conventions, and fruit loops with warm milk. Tooth breaking Takis, perfectly purple ping-pong paddles, and also may there be two sets of footprints in your sand.
 

Dirty Strainers

Numbering the holes, a bullsh*t linen closet, expired antibiotics, and projectile butt plugs. 8 Strapping men and a come-along, toothbrushing hazards, how are we even alive, and also Crocs with tha fur.

Depression-Era Meatloaf

Transcendental bacon, marked “safe” from puffer fish, and edgy roses. Sink holes, adults riding bikes, tainted mustaches, and also a very sticky pouch. 

Touchy Laundry

Hundred and oneth, death or eternity, geriatric dancing, and how do you insert an tampon? Observation expert, knocking the top off it, front tuck protocols, and also out of the shell peanuts.
 

Banging Hobbies

A strategic love match, cursing professionals, a lot of stair climbs, and Boeing porn. Chandelier babies, succinct prayers, unapproved Papyrus, and also Danielle knows some things about ears.

Temple of Doom

The sickies, Josiah’s crackers, old man hoops, and Lenny’s cool factor. Laughter is the second best medicine, panicky bank withdrawals, Spring Break breakdown, and also a license to shave.